Burnout is a B*tch
In October after over 12 months of back and forth, QVC emailed me that they were going to air Cookie Cups in early December. This was the most amazing news, my team went from about 5 people in production to over 15. We worked like Santa’s elves preparing for Christmas. It was exhilarating and utterly exhausting. The day we aired really felt like it was going to be my big break – like all the work I put into this vehicle was going to pay off. As I stepped off the set after my 6 minutes and 38 seconds of national air time a camera production person turned to me and asked how often I have been on TV?! I shared that this was my first time and he complimented my presence. The feeling was indescribable, but there was still a jitter within my heart. How much did we sell?! As my broker ushered me into the backstage prep room – we sat in front of an old school pc from the 90’s and logged on to see the results of the segment. My heart stopped. All of the hours and all-nighters I pulled, the people who worked with me, the packaging and pallets of boxes and cookie cups awaiting in our factory – my heart felt like it was going to fall out of my chest. We bombed, the QVC customer was more excited about popcorn seasoning than my beloved treats. I was overcome with anger and fear. It took me a couple months to feel like a human again. In early January I got so sick – it felt like an energetic purge of the pain.
“Hindsight is 2020”
Well to fast forward through this, the pandemic gifted me with the time and space to realign and heal. To approach my career with a fresh set of eyes, instead of the story I had been telling myself for so long, which was you’ve made it this far – keep going. The experience felt like mourning death. And to characterize it transparently – it was the death and ending of what no longer felt in alignment. At the time it was hard for me to see and understand the magnitude of what was happening. I felt like a failure – like covid won and I lost this battle. Like I wasn’t good enough to bounce back or creative enough to shift my business model to match the shift in the market. But now the phrase ‘hindsight is 2020’ has taken on a whole new meaning. For me the deep lesson was who I would become in the process. I found myself at 28 couped up in my beautiful apartment in the art district of Philadelphia - all alone. I began to discover new forms of creativity – I took on acrylic painting and created a collection of quarantine muses. I took daily walks along the Schuylkill river and watched as the cherry blossoms budded, flowered, and lost their plush pink petals over the span of May. I cried a lot, I was feeling the pain of loss and personal disappointment. To be totally honest I felt like my energetic excitement towards work would never return.
And now it’s so apparent that much of this has to do with perspective. When we zoom into a situation or our life, everything seems like a huge deal. Everything is intensified because we are looking at a situation from a very specific vantage point. Take a moment and zoom out, out, out. Remember that you are a human and what’s happening at this moment in your life is just a speck on the timeline of your life, and you’re a speck on planet earth, which is a speck in our solar system, and that is just a speck of the universe. When we can shift our focus and remember we are but a tiny speck, the pain or discomfort of any situation can subside a touch. That’s not to dishonor the true pain of burnout, it’s hard and it happens to many people. We get excited or committed for different reasons. It’s when we think we can outwork any problem, or if we put more time and energy into something we must succeed. Though if you take on the perspective that life happens for you, not to you - then the experience can lead to some very spectacular growth. Burnout is a B*tch, so tune in and see what she is there to teach you!
P.s. It’s now summer of 2021, and I’m just finally starting to feel the energetic excitement of creativity and flow towards my higher calling. It’s alright to take time to adjust and shift, burnout is a tough place to create from. So give yourself some slack and remember you’re not alone. And if you’d like some support with shifting the energy in your life - I’m here to support that process.
The process of recovering from burnout can be brutal.
If you notice yourself steering in this direction, pause to reevaluate. Making small shifts to your daily life, can help you navigate away from paralyzing burnout. Self care is worth the investment of time, money and energy.
